I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
