sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
