then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
