New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
