Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
