I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
