my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
