Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
