So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
