im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
