if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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