so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
