She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Mom said you looked used
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
