told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
