dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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