I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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