you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you didnt know i had herpes?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
