Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
