you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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