The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
