I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
