I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
