Are we in a gay sports bar?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
