I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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