I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
