the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
