I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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