FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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