She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
