i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
