we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
