Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he puts the penis in happiness.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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