i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
