Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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