He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
