does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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