I think im going to throw up on grandma
i will never coherently bang her
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
