What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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