Is it because I queefed?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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