Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
