i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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