White coat. Heels.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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