Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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