My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
