Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
