The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
