I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There r osticjed everywhere
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
