I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
