So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
