They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
