You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You are the jesus of drinking
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
