Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
