she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
