i permit you to call me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
