i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
