currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
