all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
bring money and cleavage
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
