I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
