I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
