dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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