i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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